


Stop the World ('Cause I Wanna Get Off With You)

by shakeweightless



Category: Thor - All Media Types
Genre: M/M, it's rated m for excessive use of the f word don't get excited, literally what am i even doing anymore
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-06-02
Updated: 2014-07-01
Packaged: 2018-02-03 02:51:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,577
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1728404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shakeweightless/pseuds/shakeweightless
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Let it be known that no effective defense against accusations of incestuous tendencies has ever begun with the words "first of all."<br/>Or: Loki and Thor are grown men and still don't have it all figured out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. With the Exception of You

**Author's Note:**

> a few things:  
> 1) the arctic monkeys song that the title is from is vaguely related to this fic if you turn your head and squint  
> 2) loki is ridiculous  
> 3) that's it

             When Loki walks into his apartment to find Sigyn sitting on the kitchen floor, smashing a plate and crying, his immediate first thought is that he should maybe walk around her to put the groceries on the counter before he attempts consoling her. But then again, if he focuses on the groceries first, it’ll look like he’s ignoring her. Then there’s also the fact, and this might cause some problems, that he’s been staring blankly at his hysterical wife for more than half a minute trying to figure out what to do with the stupid plastic bags in his hands. He decides on setting them down on the floor.

            “I want a fucking divorce.”

            The wrong move, apparently.

            Sigyn stands up abruptly before he can answer, thought it probably would have taken him a few more moments anyway. “Did you _hear me_?” she shrieks. “I want. A fucking. Divorce.” Then, to really hammer it in, “ _Shitstain._ ”

            Loki is really not clear on how he’s supposed to respond to this.

            Sigyn stomps and screams in frustration. “Why aren’t you saying anything?”

            “Sorry.”

            “For what?”

            “For not saying anything,” he says. As an afterthought, he adds, “And for whatever it is that’s making you want a divorce.”

            The storminess returns to Sigyn’s eyes and she _growls._ “You’re damn right you’re sorry for that! You’re in love with your _brother_?”

            Oh, _that._

            Sigyn’s accusation is phrased like a question, but she’s obviously pretty sure about it; even if she wasn’t, he hasn’t exactly thought up a game plan for this conversation. So he decides to wing it.

            “First of all, he’s my _step-_ brother.” A strong start. “And _second_ of all-”

            In one swift movement, Sigyn reaches toward the island in the middle of the kitchen, grabs Loki’s iPad, and slams it down on the tile as smoothly as if it were a dinner plate.

            “Fuck!”

            “You’re a fucking mess, Loki.”

            He can’t really argue with that one. “How did you figure it out?”

            She scoffs, and for a moment it seems like she might start crying again. “You know, I _wish_ I could say that I’m not an idiot and that I figured it out on my own.” Her voice cracks a bit. “Sif told me.”

            “How the hell did Sif know?”

            “Does it _matter_?” she shrieks. “Get _out_ of here, you fucking icestuous cockroach!”

            Of all the insults that have been directed at Loki, and there have been quite a few, that one will probably go down as the strangest and most hurtful. Also, probably the best accidental band name.

            Yeah, this marriage is over. “I’m going,” he says, putting up his hands as a sign of surrender. “Just let me-”

            She gestures to the front entryway, where a full duffle bag (how did he miss that on the way in?) is sitting on the floor. “I already packed for you. Just leave.”

            Loki purses his lips and looks her in the eyes one last time, just to make sure. She looks defeated, maybe even a little sad, but mostly, she looks like she’s ready to murder somebody. Namely, Loki.

            Without another word, he makes toward the door, picks up the bag, and leaves with only his car keys and whatever Sigyn decided was important enough to pack for him. There’s only one person he can call for another place to stay, and he’s not exactly looking forward to it.

           

            “Brother!”

            God fucking damnit.

            “Hey, Thor,” Loki says with what he hopes is a tone devoid of embarrassment. “I, um. I kind of need to stay with you for a little bit.” He clears his throat. “Sigyn just kicked me out.”

            There’s something muttered on the other line and a long moment where all Loki can hear is footsteps, and he realizes Thor must be excusing himself from company. “Buddy, what happened?” he asks once he’s presumably in another room.

            “Um,” Loki responds.

            “Hey, we don’t have to talk about it over the phone. Come on over. Sif’s here too, we can all hang out for a while, okay?”

            It’s not okay, and in fact the thought of seeing Sif right now makes Loki’s stomach drop, but he isn’t sure how to explain that over the phone so he agrees, “Okay.”

            He can  _hear_ Thor's smile on the other end. "Great! See you soon."

            "Bye." 

            Loki takes a solid ten minutes after Thor hangs up to sit in the car in silence, but he knows that he'll have to leave at some point. Between Sif and Thor, he's not sure which one he's more scared of.

            His phone buzzes, and he opens a text message.

 **Sigyn:** Were you planning on leaving any time soon?

            He sighs, types out a quick response, and pulls out of the driveway.

 **Me:** On my way out. Don't forget to put the milk in the fridge.

 **Sigyn:** Go to hell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what will happen next??? will thor accept loki??? will sif confront loki??? will loki continue being a baby??? stay tuned


	2. I Dislike Everyone in the Room

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki has a chat with Sif.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sif is gonna be a pretty big part of this fic so buckle in everybody  
> also there's a flashback at the end so don't get confused okay

The wait for either Thor or Sif to come to the door after he rings the doorbell is quite possibly the longest twenty seconds of Loki’s life, because for the first time in a while, he’s in a situation he doesn’t know how to talk his way out of.

For the first time in a while excluding half an hour ago, of course. But he’s going to let that one slide.

It’s Sif who (finally) answers the door, and the most he can say about their first interaction in several months is that she’s at as much of a loss for words as he is.

“Hey, Loki,” she says after several seconds. Her smile is only a little forced. “Come on in.”

She steps aside and he walks into Thor’s living room, throwing his duffle bag onto the couch. He hears Sif trailing a few feet behind him as he makes his way to Thor’s kitchen, which is surprisingly neat, considering how careless Thor can be with— oh, Sif’s talking.

“Thor’s not here, he went to get something for dinner.” A pause. “Are you okay?” she asks, and he really doesn’t want to answer that. “I mean, I know we don’t always get along,” _wow,_ “but you haven’t said anything to me since you came in.”

Loki turns around to look at her for the first time since he walked into Thor’s house, and stares at her. Honestly, he doesn’t know where he’s getting off trying to intimidate her, because she’s got every reason in the world to hate him forever, but she looks a little unsettled anyway.

“Hi, Sif.”

“Hey,” she says again.

They stay like that for a few more moments until Sif sighs and thankfully breaks eye contact. “Do you want a beer?” she asks, making her way toward the fridge.

He doesn’t drink, and he’s reasonably sure she knows that, but now is definitely not the time. “Does he have anything else?”

She opens the fridge. “Diet Coke and Kool-Aid. Like, the kind that comes in those plastic bottles with the weird caps?”

“What?”

She looks up at him. “You know Kool-Aid?”

“Wh- No, yeah, I know what Kool-Aid is. Why does he have those?”

Sif blushes and ajusts her ponytail. “Um, they’re actually for me. I mentioned that I liked them and that I thought the bottles were cool, and he bought a ton of them for when I come over.” She bites her lip. “But you can have one, if you want.”

Loki is trying so hard to school his expression, but that old jealousy from when they were teenagers is coming back full swing and he thinks he might be glaring at her. She doesn’t really seem to notice.

“What flavor?” he asks, hoping it doesn’t sound too strained.

“Blue,” she says, and tosses him one without waiting for him to ask.

She closes the fridge and sits up on the island while Loki leans against the counter.

He takes a breath to speak, and the words out of his mouth are either going to be “I don’t know how to open this,” or some kind of catty backhanded compliment; either way, he’s thankful when Sif interrupts him.

“Hey, Loki,” she says, setting down her drink. “I… Okay, listen: I know that you hate me and I know it’s mostly my fault, and I regret everything that’s happened between us, okay?” Okay. “But, like, if you want to talk? About what happened between you and Sigyn? I’m here for you. I know things were really rough with you and me, but you’re a great guy and-”

“You _bitch._ ” The words are out of his mouth before he even thinks about them, and Sif has jumped off of the island and punched him in the face before he has time to regret them.

Loki has said a _lot_ of things about Sif in the time that he’s known her, but he would never, not in a million years, even think about implying that she didn’t know how to throw a punch. He’s never been on the receiving end of one, though he’s come very close, but he’s heard stories of guys who crossed her and had to lie about their broken noses and black eyes to avoid embarrassment. He slides down the counter to sit on the floor, more out of defeat than out of pain, and holds his hand over his stinging eye while he waits for Sif to say something.

“Look, Loki,” she says, and the steadiness of her voice would probably be funny to an onlooker. “I know you’re going through a rough time right now, but I have kind of a – wait, you can hear me, right?”

He gives her a thumbs up from his place on the floor.

“Okay, good. Anyway, I have kind of a one-strike policy on that sort of thing. And it’s nothing personal; I’d have done it to any guy who called me that. You understand?”

He nods.

“You okay?”

He shakes his head.

“Poor baby,” she deadpans. “I’ll get you some ice.”

She does, and eventually they’re pretty much back where they started; Sif is sitting across from Loki with her juice, Loki is trying to decide whether he’s more angry, scared, or impressed, and neither of them are talking. It’s very much reminiscent of every interaction they had in high school.

“So,” Sif says, drawing out the O sound; she used to do the same thing in the uncomfortable silences after Thor would break up their petty arguments when they were younger.  “Now that we’re both _very_ clear on how we feel about each other, do you want to talk?”  Before he can answer, she adds, “About Sigyn? About why you just said that to me? I’m all ears.”

Loki is, probably for the first time since he met Sif, touched by how genuinely kind she’s being. He doesn’t deserve it, he knows; what the hell was he thinking a minute ago? It’s definitely not the rudest thing he’s ever said to Sif in terms of genuine malice, but he feels worse about it than any of the catty shit he talked about her behind her back when they were teenagers. Why, all of the sudden, does he actually _like_ Sif?

And why is he getting the feeling that she really doesn’t know?

 “Did you ever say anything to Sigyn?” he says after several seconds.

She squints. “Anything about what?”

“About…” he loses his nerve. “Anything that would have made her want to leave?”

She thinks for a moment, and Loki tries not to get his hopes up.

“Oh!” Damn. “Is this about the time you accidentally killed Thor’s hamster and then you lied about it for three weeks and then when he found out he beat you up?”

He stares at her for long time and lets the relief seep in. It’s a nice feeling.

“ _What?_ ” Loki finally says.

“Yeah, okay, that was stupid, forget I said it.”

“No, wait,” Loki insists, and he realizes they’re both laughing. “Why-why would that have _destroyed_ my marriage?”

“I don’t know!” Sif downs the rest of her Kool-Aid once her laughter settles down. “It’s the only thing I’ve really got on you.”

“That’s the _only_ thing you’ve got on me?”

“Well, you’ve said some pretty mean stuff to me, but everyone knows about that.” She stands up and tosses her bottle into the trash. “As far as embarrassing secrets go, I’ve got nothing. Thor only tells me the nice stuff about you.”

He really hopes he’s not blushing.

When he catches her eye again, she’s smiling at him. “Let’s go out.”

“Isn’t Thor going to be back pretty soon?” Loki asks. As awkward as that conversation is going to be, he’d like to get it over with as soon as possible.

“I’ll let him know we’re leaving,” she says, moving across the room to pick up her purse from the kitchen table. “I want to hear what really happened, not the story you’re going to tell Thor.”

He doesn’t really know how to respond to that except with, “It’s a really weird story.”

“I don’t mind.”

He stands up and starts to follow her toward the front door. “You might hate me by the end of it.”

“It’s been done before.”

“ _Ouch._ ”

Sif laughs as she shuts the front door behind them.

 

“Can you walk a little slower?” Loki says, finally, to the girls in front of him. “I actually want to be so late to this class that I’m technically early to the class tomorrow.”

One of the girls turns around, her dark ponytail swishing over her shoulder. She scowls at him, but keeps moving at a glacial pace; in fact, he could swear she even slows down. “Excuse me, freshman?”

The other friend, a blonde, turns around too. They’re both easily a good four inches taller than him, both athletes – he had assumed at first that they were cheerleaders, but their shirts are emblazoned with the school’s softball team logo – and both pretty pissed.

Loki suddenly feels a strong hand on his shoulder and the girl with the dark hair’s face immediately brightens up. “Thor!”

“Oh, hey, Sif!” Thor says. He looks at Loki, then back at her. “Oh, do you guys know each other?”

Sif and her friend turn around fully, and her smile widens. “We were just chatting. Introduce us?” Thor clears his throat. “Loki, this is Sif. Sif, this is Loki, my brother.”

Sif’s face falls immediately. “Your _brother_?”

He grins. “Step-brother, if you want to get technical about it. I guess we don’t really look much alike, do we?” He laughs deeply at his own statement, and Sif and Loki lock eyes.

He winks at her as Thor keeps talking excitedly, and her nostrils flare. It’s intimidating. Everything about her is intimidating. And Thor _likes_ her?

Loki turns that over in his mind for a moment. Thor’s a guy. Sif’s a girl. They probably _do_ like each other in more than a friendly kind of way. He doesn’t know how he feels about that.

He looks back at Sif to see her laughing at something Thor is saying. As if she’s rehearsed it, she punctuates her giggle by biting her lip softly and brushing a piece of her hair behind her ear. By the way her friend rolls her eyes, he can tell it’s deliberate.

Loki hates her.

Even if he didn’t catch her glaring at him as he excused himself to go to class, he’d guess that the feeling was mutual.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hahahahahahahahahahaha she punched him in the face


End file.
